Holding out for a hero
May 8, 2008 by Polly Styrene
The Daily Mail is lamenting the fact that “women are to blame for killing off real men” when
As long as there are dragons - and God knows, there still are - we don’t need some sensitive poet cowering in the corner. We need grown men slaying them.
In response to this alarming news - we thought dragons were extinct some time ago - Cowblog brings you the viewpoint of insensitive (because she’s female) poet U A Fanthorpe.
Not my best side
(Ucello: S George and the Dragon, The National Gallery)
I
Not my best side I’m afraid The artist didn’t give me a chance to Pose properly, and as you can see, Poor chap, he had this obsession with Triangles, so he left off two of my Feet, I didn’t comment at the time (What, after all, are two feet To a monster?) but afterwards I was sorry for all the bad publicity. Why, I said to myself, should my conqueror Be so ostentatiously beardless, and ride A horse with a deformed neck and square hoofs? Why should my victim be so Unattractive as to be inedible, And why should she have me literally On a string? I don’t mind dying Ritually, since I always rise again, But I should have liked a little more blood To show they were taking me seriously.II
It’s hard for a girl to be sure if She wants to be rescued. I mean, I quite Took to the Dragon, It’s nice to be Liked, if you know what I mean. He was So nicely physical, with his claws And lovely green skin, and that sexy tail, And the way he looked at me, He made me feel that he was all ready to Eat me, And any girl enjoys that. So when this boy turned up, wearing machinery, On a really dangerous horse, to be honest, I didn’t much fancy him, I mean, What was he like underneath all the hardware? He might have acne, blackheads or even Bad breath for all I could tell, but the dragon - Well you could see all his equipment At a glance. Still what could I do? The dragon got himself beaten by the boy, And a girl’s got to think of her future.III
I have diplomas in Dragon Management and Virgin Reclamation. My horse is the latest model, with Automatic transmission and built-in Obsolescence. My spear is custom-built And my prototype armour Still on the secret list. You can’t Do better than me at the moment. I’m qualified and equipped to the Eyebrow. So why be difficult? Don’t you want to be killed and/or rescued In the most contemporary way? Don’t You want to carry out the roles That Sociology and Myth have designed for you? Don’t you realise that by being choosy You are endangering job-prospects In the spear- and horse-building industries? What, in any case, does it matter what You want? You’re in my way.
Or we could just learn to slay them ourselves, a la Princess Fiona and her martial arts in Shrek I.
Oh and before some smart arse points it out, I do in fact realise that dragons are mythical creatures that never existed.
We need *real* men slaying “dragons” for us? Oh for gawds sake I hope this is satire.
Just checked - nope it’s the Daily Male it’ll be right. How do they manage to sound so fracking fifties?
I think women and dragons and horses should all band together and start slaying men.
“I think women and dragons and horses should all band together and start slaying men.”
Seconded.
And if you look at the painting the “damsel” doesn’t seem too distressed by the dragon. She looks rather nonchalant, really.
Great poem
Now this is reminding me of the “Dealing with Dragons” series, about a strong-willed princess who lives with a friendly (female) dragon. There’s this part where a handsome prince shows up to rescue her and she says she doesn’t want to be rescued. He gets all upset and sputters, “But … but that’s just not done!”
“Oh and before some smart arse points it out, I do in fact realise that dragons are mythical creatures that never existed.”
Oh Please. It’s a well known fact that Jesus Himself rode a dinosaur.
Nope it’s real sparks. Who else but the Male could publish something like this?
Yes it’s non-sequitur city! Of course the reason that women haven’t got equal pay is that men have become sissies - in CRAZY LAND!
I like to think though that working for the Male (because they must employ normal human beings and not the Stepford Wives) is like working for the Sun. Where during the Wapping dispute they hung a banner out of the window saying “We work for the lie factory”
I love that poem and am very glad i clicked on your blog today. Personally i would find a dragon less intrusive to have around than a lot of men.
Where are all these ‘new men’ then? I haven’t seen any evidence for this great change in men. Are they in the same place as the dragons and that is why I can’t see them?
I think it is more research from the Male’s institute of madeupness because I really need the cash and I can’t be bothered to write anything proper Erika
Of course, I could ask the question: why do menz need to slay anything? But that would be one of those shooting-fish-in-a-barrel type moments.
Yes it’s non-sequitur city!
Cats have fur, so all pumpkins should be made into soup.
That was easy! Next!
I believe that the dragon was a female symbol as LM said. Representing the mother, with the chain illustrating the strong bond between the mother, daughter, and females in general, that resulted in their political strength in ancient matricentric societies. St George is the patriarchy breaking the chain between them and therefore condemning all women to slavery.
This theme is repeated over and over again with a good deal of spin from the winning side. St Patrick kills the serpents in Ireland, except there never where any snakes in island, only Goddess worshippers for whom the serpent/ dragon was a symbol of rebirth.
Just about all world mythology has versions of this. I was even thinking the other day about the labours of Hercules, could they be read as the over turn Of matricentric cultures, where men and women lived in equality. I even wonder if Grendel’s mother from Beowulf might by a much defamed and distorted Goddess of the lake.
Sorry Polly I think I have rambled.
Anyway I think there is something in all this because even as a child watching the pageant, I always wanted the dragon to gobble up St George.
Hi Helpzeh - I think the poem is a brilliant description of the painting. St George does look completely self absorbed and self obsessed - must - kill - dragon, the damsel doesn’t look at all ‘distressed’ - she looks like she’s saying “what did you have to go and do that for?” and the dragon just looks pissed off. St George was Turkish anyway, so I don’t know he got to be the patron saint of England….
Quite possible the dragon is a female symbol, I don’t know enough about mythology, though I’m sure someone else will…
Just a thought. The primordial female energy is named Kundalini (yeah work out what this is abbreviated to) and is usually depicted as a serpent (very often of the huge dragon sort). All religions or spiritual traditions speak of this Inner Female though the names used to describe it may be different and the symbols used vary from culture to culture. Of course, the problem is… Christianity has made the Serpent very wrong… leading to psychosis the moment she rears her head. Ever noticed how the Holy Mother is often depicted with her foot on the head of a serpent? Most probably the first portrayal of women oppressing ourselves.
In Essence, it is the primordial female fire of physical Life and naturally… needs to be destroyed.
helzeph:
“This theme is repeated over and over again with a good deal of spin from the winning side. St Patrick kills the serpents in Ireland, except there never where any snakes in island, only Goddess worshippers for whom the serpent/ dragon was a symbol of rebirth.”
Dear goddess that’s where men’s incessant fears of snakes come from. I swear to you that a great majority of the folks I know who are particularly scared of snakes are male. I don’t think that’s just a coincidence. I have a rejuvenated respect not only for goddesses but also for snakes and serpents!
Ssssssss
Lara, yeah, I’ve observed that too, that men are often really scared of snakes, and are all like “the snake must die - now!” It’s quite a common theme in Australian literature - heroic man pitted against evil snake, poor snake ends up dead.
I think Helzeph is probably right about Beowulf.
Or Indiana Jones and his absolute fear of snakes! And yeah, the Beowulf observation is spot-on. When I had to read Beowulf in 11th grade in high school I was always struck by the total insensitivity and cruelty towards the mother beast.
Hi Polly, the picture is really thought provoking, glad you put it up. Thinking about what sparkle said “Christianity has made the serpent very wrong” I was inspired to go and find other examples of this hostility, and came up with this.
In a book called Vita Columbae written by Adomnan ( the ninth abbot of Iona) who died in 706, we find the first mention of the Lochness Monster.
St Columba comes upon some Picts worshipping a monster of the lake and river. St columba drives this monster away and converts everyone to Christianity. Could we have found Nesse? and she be none other, than one in the same as the Arthurian Lady of the Lake, made over on the basis of one of her symbols of rebirth and parthogenesis, into a villan. It’s a thought.
A komodo dragon achieved that in a zoo the other day; brought forth life by herself, never having had a mate, maybe the ancient people Knew this parthonogenic secret, and that’s another reason why they chose the dragon as one of the symbols of their Goddess. It puts a whole new spin on the virgin birth.
Anyway in these dragon-less days its a great comfort to have our very own Phemi, maybe one day she will eat St George.
I wish Phemi would eat St George - any chance of a special for next year Phemi? And can you include all those people who fly St George flags from their car while you’re at it…
Well you can’t say the readership of this blog isn’t erudite. Parthogenesis is quite common actually - a lot of animals can do it. There seem to be quite a few fish that can, and so can hammerhead sharks (I don’t know if they’re fish or not).
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/main.jhtml?xml=/earth/2007/05/23/eashark23.xml
Also if you believe the Daily Mail, women are capable of parthogenesis of course. All it takes is the ingestion of large amounts of alcohol.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/health/healthmain.html?in_article_id=503141&in_page_id=1774
…maybe the ancient people Knew this parthonogenic secret, and that’s another reason why they chose the dragon as one of the symbols of their Goddess. It puts a whole new spin on the virgin birth.
Interesting connection, sounds feasible.
According to Dikipedia, sharks are fish. I had the feeling that the were classified differently because of the cartilage construction.
Actually, I really wish sharks would do as they say on the tin. ‘Man-eating shark’ indeed; get a move on; would solve a lot problems. They could feast on the porn users first. Of course the rapists and abusers are first into the water.
‘Man-eating shark’, ha, I like that, we should give them a pep talk, they are sleeping on the job.
Lara and Dissenter, thanks for your confirmation of bells ringing
re Beowulf, good to know I am not the only one hearing noises.